Welcome to Oakmont Country Club, where joy goes to retire and 72 holes feels like trench warfare in polo shirts. The 2025 U.S. Open is back in Pennsylvania, and so is the USGA’s favorite game: “How Much Pain Is Too Much Pain?”
Forget finesse. Oakmont is a sledgehammer disguised as a golf course. If you want a 30-under PGA Tour pillow fight, go watch the 3M Open. This one’s for the masochists.
The Course: Oakmont CC — Home of Trauma
This isn’t a golf course. It’s a monument to suffering.
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Greens? Firmer than a stale digestive biscuit and faster than your mate leaving when it’s his round.
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Fairways? Sloped tighter than your jeans after Christmas dinner.
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Church Pews? A bunker so legendary it’s got its own Wikipedia page and probably a body count.
At Oakmont, even pars feel like major victories. Winning score? We’re calling +1 and a grown man crying on national television.
The Players: Who Can Survive the Sadism?
Scottie Scheffler
Still driving it like Thanos, still putting like your uncle with the yips. If the blade heats up for one round, he’s lapping the field.
Rory McIlroy
Ocean’s 81 on the range may allay nerves. The return to a major-hungry vibe and Oakmont’s unforgiving environment could spark something big. It feels unlikely though, somehow. Post-Masters Rory is giving off strong “Liverpool after winning the title” vibes.
Jon Rahm
With past US Open pedigree (2021 champ) and a stroke game built for brutal setups, Rahm is a smart each‑way play. He’s built for this kind of carnage This place is made for controlled fury. If he channels the anger properly, he’s dangerous. If not? Hide your ball markers.
Bryson DeChambeau
Oakmont’s rough is so thick it might need protein shakes. Bryson’s one of the few lunatics who can muscle through it – and now that he’s less unbearable, a win for the defending champ wouldn’t feel like a war crime.
Brooks Koepka
Hasn’t smiled since 2019 and treats majors like bloodsport. Exactly the kind of brooding intensity Oakmont thrives on. Form this year has been patchy but Brooks only cares about the majors and his game is built for US Opens, of which he has won two.
The Others Who Might/Will Break Our Hearts
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Ludvig Åberg – Ice in the veins, game built for majors. Only issue? He’s never met a green this fast.
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Cam Smith – Best putter in the world. Shame about the fairways.
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Max Homa – Still chasing that major Sunday that doesn’t turn into therapy.
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Rickie Fowler – Aesthetic’s clean. Game’s tidy. But Oakmont doesn’t care about nice guys.
- Tommy Fleetwood – Will do enough to get all of our hopes up, then he’ll find a way to come up agonisingly short. The Colin Montgomery of the modern game. Love you, Tommy.
Storylines to Watch
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The Greens. They’ll break hearts, dreams, and putters.
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The Church Pews. Still not a religious experience.
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Oakmont Members. Likely to demand players wear trousers, ties, and show proof of ancestry dating back to 1914.
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USGA. Will definitely tuck a pin two yards from a 45-degree slope on Sunday just for the chaos.
Prediction Time
Winner: Brooks Koepka (because pain is his love language)
Runner-Up: Scheffler, scowling at his putter like it owes him money
Best Hair: Cam Smith, still rocking mullet excellence
Meltdown Watch: Justin Thomas, live on air, yelling at himself “FUCK YOU, JT! YOU SUCK!?”
Final Word
Oakmont doesn’t want to be your friend. It doesn’t want drama. It wants attrition, grind, and a final leaderboard that looks like a horror movie script. And we, the golf sickos, will be watching every glorious second.
Bring bandages.
